10: Police Seize $54 Million
Italian police are seizing $54 million from the oldest financial institution in the world; Monte dei Paschi di Sienna. According to various news outlets, the bank’s managers are being investigated for over-paying when buying out competing bank; Antonveneta. Am I the only one confused on why a bank would have money seized for over-paying? It sounds like they are due to have some refunded to be honest. Maybe they “overpaid”, as in, claimed they paid more than they really did and hid the difference.
Then again…I still wad up dollars in my pocket.
9: 35 Pyramids Found
35 small pyramids, dated from 2000 years ago, have been found in Sudan. In reality, they have been slowly discovered between 2009-2012. By small, 13 of them were packed into an area roughly the size of a basketball court. Some were found with artifacts and bodies inside.
Perhaps, they are the result of the worlds first “Legos.”
8: Paul Tanner dies at 95
Trombonist and last surviving member of the Glenn Miller Orchestra passed away today due to complications brought on pneumonia. After leaving the group in 1942, Tanner became a music professor at UCLA and co-created the electro-theramin.
As a tribute, listen to The Beach Boys “Good Vibrations” for some of the best electro-theramin riffing I have ever heard or even recognize.
7: Strippers getting over the hump
The Supreme Court in Kansas has ruled that strippers/exotic dancers can file for unemployment as employees as opposed to independent contractors. This means club owners must contribute to the state’s unemployment-insurance fund.
This also means that in order to be eligible for it, lap dances will now take place from across the room in your mind.
6: Fergie baby rumor
Various gossip columns are reporting Fergie showing a baby bump. This is one of a few times that this rumor has been started. Josh Duhamel and Fergie have been married since 2009 but have not disclosed plans for a child.
Hopefully, her lamaze coach doesn’t use song puns in their class. “Big Girls Don’t Cry, Fergie. And they don’t stop their controlled breathing either.”
Nevermind, I do hope she used puns.
5: Dog from my nightmares
Tonik, a poodle/Shih Tsu mix, is a dog available for adoption and may be the perfect fit for a couple not yet ready for human baby adoption.
This has to be reincarnation of some sort.
4: Robin Sachs dies at 61
“Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” fans will remember the actor as Giles’ archenemy, Ethan Rayne. Cause of death is unknown and was unexpected.
In tribute, go watch “Galaxy Quest”, he played the voice of the antagonist, General Sarris.
3: Lucy Lawless Sentenced
Lawless, along with six other Greenpeace protestors were fined $547 and must complete 120 hours of community service due to an incident last February in which Lawless and the others boarded an oil-drilling ship and had a sit-in protest against drilling in the arctic. The protest lasted four days and Shell’s countersuit for money lost as a result of the protest was struck down by the court.
I wonder if Lawless did the Xena war cry as she climbed the drilling tower. One can only hope.
2: Quitting Facebook for $200
A father has offered his 14 year old daughter $200 to quit Facebook for at least five months.This may sound controlling but the bet was the daughter’s idea. Babysitting hasn’t been pulling in as much money as she would like so she came up with the arrangement as a way to go cold turkey.
In related news, I am offering $200 to anyone that is willing to put up with the encroaching advertisements on his/her news feed.
*$200 may or may not exist
1: 9 year old mom
A 9 year old girl gave birth to a baby girl last week in Mexico City. The father is purported to be a 17 year old and may be charged with child sex abuse, if caught.
I have no wacky one-liner for this. It just reaffirms my decision to not have children. Especially in 10 years from now when we see a 19 year old grandmother that can’t even tell grandmother-type stories about the good old days.